Saturday, July 12, 2008

Alive and kicking

Well I m leaving to Hyderabad on Monday 14th july 2008. It going to be my 8th trip(4 trips up and down) to hyderabad. thats 305 x 8 = 2440 Kilometer ride. An offical record of my own. Been to Rajamundry for the 4th time(2 trips up and down) i.e., 275 x 4 = 1100 Kilometers. Went to Narsapoor Thrice i.e, 175 x 3 = 525 Kilometers. Yahooo.......

Its officially 2440+1100+525 = 3075 Kilometer Bike ride and counting. Wish to take a long trip around the State first then the South India and then on and on. On my Bike. I m thiking to Sell this baby My ap 16 s 5620 suzuki samurai of 2002 model. But i m too attachted to it. Listens to me. If fills me. But What can I say, I got to let it go . The first bike I owned from March 2006 to till date. This baby listens to me like a little gal. I wish it gives me more milage. So that I dont need to sell. If it can give me like 60 Kilometer per liter. I won't need to sell it. But I m no Bike mechanic to make any alterations. A gas saving kit or tool. Which designed to save petrol. I don't know.

Now I feel like living, I have to buy Camera to get good pictures of the wonderful scenories that I get to see, When I ride. I got religion 2 years ago and I m too much dependant on god to take any of my own decisions, but stil sometimes the old habit kicks in and I take decisions of my own. Wish i could let god to do that for me. He is like friend to me, now in this betrayal and unbelieving period .I like to have him on my stride or my side. But hey I m alive, thanks to him that kep me alive. The one and only Almighty yahweh, through his son we have our grace.

God bless you all,

Love
Anand,
The Biker.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Failed Miserably

Out of Anguish, I write. I have failed miserably. I have failed myself, I have failed that had faith in me. I have failed my father in heaven. My father do you have place for failures, do you love looser like me. Would it be Okay if I sin again, says my heart. It urges, and seeks sinful desires and lust is all over my face and my brain. I can't think no more. My words are bitter, my sentences are inhuman. It takes me forever to think normal with out sex. I have lost in the pool of online romance and virtual sex. Now i m sinning in my heart and mind. I have no guilt, I have no feeling, I have no relationship, all I do is incest plays. O dear father, where do I find rescue . How can I save myself from this terrible wrath , which I brought upon myself. My dear loving father. I didn't realize. that i m digging my own pit. I have fallen into the world of sin, I have yet again failed miserably. Where do I find my rescue. I am ashamed to go back to my father and say father I have sinned please forgive me. Why am I like this, Why can't I just stop sinning and be good. Is it human to commit sins or is it just me that is so perverted and destroyed inside. that there is not act of kindness or humanity in me. I can't think anymore but sex. Whats wrong with me, But why I m being right all the. O father can you solve this dilemma for me.

I have failed you and i know how it feels to have your presence, I know how it feels to have you speaking in my ears. I know you, I know you. How can i say I not know I know you, i know your ways. O lord I have failed, i have failed, how can i correct myself and stand again. I have failed I have failed, lost in the wilderness of eroticisms. Everything is erotic to me, Even the least creatures look lustful to me. I am out of control. Where can I find rescue.

I have failed miserably. I need help, O father in heaven, send down thy angel and kill me. For I would not wish to live , this life any more. Can't sin anymore. Strike me father and kill me. I just have one last request I would accept all mysins and accept your son Jesus as my Saviour and then kill then I would be in heaven, coz i can't find any other way at all.
Please send rescue.

Amen