A happy Man

 Happiness 

 What does a man want : 

I believe we all want different things in different way. But at the end, we be a happy person, Only on getting what we want.

Why am I happy : 

Well typically, I m bit a appreciator of beauty. Lately I feel like I do have beautiful friends. I have this inferiorty complex that I m dark. And I don't look good. Even thought I was appreciated and got trained little bit as model. I did get compliments by strangers (aunties) when I was young. Like nice black horse, nice black hard fish, etc... I still hated that black part. So I did not took it to my heart as that black still sticks on my face. I wanted to be white, or yellow.. I tried fair and lovely and all kinds of fairness tricks and creams. They are not that good. I got to keep my self clean all the time. There is white privilege for white skin that even they do not keep themselves clean they look good. 

I on the other hand, had to take 7 baths a day. There was a time, I decided to get 2nd looks from people gals, boys, uncles, aunts. I wanted them to stare at me and appreciate. So I took a wow and kept myself clean. Imagine 7 baths a day. A peel off cream to go with it every time when I go out.. 

Pay off time did came, When my best friend saw me from distance and said wow due.  You look so amazing, People can't put a finger on your blackness. So that where I stopped. I did not tried to be beautiful any more. I don't even buy myself pretty clothes or even good clothes. I just use my brother's clothes. Every time comes to India he leaves his clothes. I don't know why but I just use them. I feel like I don't deserve. 

But lately, I m having friends and by looking at them I m feeling I should start my 7 baths a day policy. I m so happy and I know why. Coz I got high...(afroman song).... No I m not high, I don't get high. Infact I don't want to be stones or drink alcohol. 

I m a healthy person with good health, Why ruin this good Wealth. People pay to have health like me. But still I have belly that I need to loose.....

Dream Came true : 

Finally that dream of watching and doing voice chat and video chat came true this morning. Her name is priya she works as tester in Bangalore. I know its a sin, but still I did that thing that I dreamt of... Just keep talking like I m chatting. Woo it was wonderful experience. I m not into her but I m appreciating the fact that I can voice chat now. She speaks Telugu and she is from Anantapuram settled in Bangalore when she was kid. She said she is 36, but does't look 36 at all. Oooo boy I m happy happy happy. I m so happy that I don't feel like I need alcohol to replace my happiness.. Coz it is just makes me feel dizzy. This happiness is bringing me satisfaction and it is natural. I don't need to induce myself some liquid to feel happy.. All my thoughts and fantasies around booze are a waste. If you have a good company that is a good drug.. 

My heart is weeping : 

I m seriously wasting my time. I m suppose to spread the good news and tell how wonderful it is to be with the LORD. I can teach them how to be happy and joyful. Instead I m using alcohol to keep me happy. I don't need, I never needed. I bought that bluff. I like beaches, but I can't just keep looking at it. I got to learn scuba-diving , skewing, 

surfing 

 etc.. all that water sports people do to enjoy. I want to do that. I want to buy a 

beach atv bikes  that goes on sand

 Another one water scooter that I can drive in water...   

I want to do all those things when I go to beach. I want to make a video out of those and put on my YouTube channel. BeachAnand. 

See there are lot of things I can do but I replaced alcohol , replacing all of them. 

I want to go to outreach and preach. 

I want to do dancing ministry where I perform MOB dancing. 

It is so much fun doing all that. 

After learning these project management courses. I will pursue my dream. 

I have lot to talk about but, for today . I m so happy. Coz I got what I wanted. 

for now signing off..

Anand